A Treasure Found at Home

Last weekend at the Winter Celebration I was dancing with a friend of mine and having a conversation about my experience of Shambhala. I was thanking him for having given me a chance to grow and show up for someone(s) and how it had opened me and that had helped open the rest of my life, too. It had given me some confidence I was lacking.

He said something about my having found my home.

Now, at the time, I noticed but mostly let the comment go. See, I’ve felt home–once–as I rested my head on the shoulder of my lover while we traveled together on a train. It lasted about five minutes.

But his comment from that night stayed with me. It touched me in a profound way. The thing is, he’s right. I didn’t even notice because it happened so slowly. Last night at the RS Choir I told this story and talked about how blessed I felt and how having this home is allowing me to open up to so much else in my life. I wasn’t sure I explained it well. I’m not sure how to explain my feelings except to say I’m totally in love with this man…and his girlfriend…and the whole sangha!

I feel like a child, I’m completely overwhelmed.

Gratitude isn’t all I feel in this situation, though. Not by far. I feel intimidated by the power of it. I feel a responsibility to do whatever I can to create a home for others in my life. For everyone I know and everyone I don’t know. To create a container in the RS for anyone who needs their home that way. To uphold the container of Shambhala for those who will connect best through that route. To make my corner of the office welcoming and open. To smile at my neighbors and the MUNI/BART employees, to make eye contact with the homeless and the very wealthy. Even to find a way to somehow include Ex-Squared in all this.

And I figure that will come when I sort out how to include myself more in it, too. Thanks for the encouragement not to forget myself, S.