A Treasure Found at Home

aj died yesterday evening. i got a call in the morning telling me the hospital had called and wanted to take her off life support. mom asked them to wait until she was in to do so. she and her sisters and brother made the decision together. they turned off everything except the morphine drip, which they turned up to make sure she wouldn’t wake up and wouldn’t be uncomfortable.

i was supposed to be on my way to see a movie with a friend, but it didn’t seem right to be in the movie when they were turning off her life support. i hung out in his kitchen and watched him make soup instead. four hours later i still hadn’t gotten the call from ohio, so we went to the movie anyway. i was making myself crazy just sitting and waiting and not knowing what to do or say to anyone.

i got a call from my mom within the first five minutes of the movie, then my dad and brother called me about 15 minutes later. (i was in a seat which allowed me a quick and easy exit to take these calls.) i cried and the movie was just what i needed, i think. i just needed that distraction.

after the movie, we went back to eat the prevously made soup, i had to set mine aside to cry for a little bit. there are so many aspects to her passing. the fear i know she was feeling, her age (95!), my mom being point person for this decision, how much more real losing the rest of the grandparents seems now… ugh.

after the soup, we watched episode after episode of lost. again, i enjoyed having something else to focus on. it was really just what i needed.

i won’t be able to make it to ohio for the service, which i’m sorry for. instead, i’ll put a photo of her up on the alter at our hippie party this friday.

goodbye, aj. i love you.