A Treasure Found at Home

curiously, i’ve just found a bunch of chocolate i’d set aside for some smores which were never made. i was wondering about the usability of said chocolate, and now i have my answer! or, i will have my answer as soon as i get back home and remember to check the date it was manufactured.

guide to expiration dates 

• the beatles
• tea
• banana scones
• car!
• free wireless
• vpns
• long hair
• new friends
• old friends
• instant messaging
• blogs

why doesn’t anyone in california have floorplans? good lord, it seems so basic. i just want floorplans!!!

is it so much to ask?

apparently so.

i was going to write, but i’ve finally got this opportunity to catch up on sleep. i’ve been in bed since just after i got home, pulled out some old t-shirts i’d like to take some scissors to, and decided it was just too cold to be creative. instead i watched ‘what’s eating gilbert grape’… that movie that’s been on the sidebar forever as the movie i’m watching ‘now’. it should really say something about how i carry these netflix dvds around with me for weeks on end before i find a time to watch them–and then i feel guilty for not doing something else on my list while i’m watching the movie.

so, here i am writing while laying in bed. the laptop is on my legs, and is just a little too far away to see clearly. i guess that means i should add ‘get new glasses’ to the list of things to do.

i’ve been thinking a lot about writing lately. it seems to be coming up in conversations with a variety of people lately. i wonder a lot about the connection between writing and sitting. does awareness practice make one (me) a better writer? have my  years of writing practice made awareness easier?

i don’t remember a time when i wasn’t observing. it’s that fox totem that helps me with that. sit back, blend in, and watch what happens. and certainly i cary more mental notes about more noticed things when i write more. hand in hand, i say. certainly there’s a relationship, but is it causal? can you have a two way causal relationship? ah yes: symbiosis.

perhaps if i felt more compelled to write in full paragraphs, or at least full sentences. i’m simply not currently inclined in that direction.

things are changing, as they always do, and i’m feeling the urge to put finger to keyboard in regard to some of it. to be honest, though, i believe it should be pen to paper for a while. there are some things i’m not ready to share. perhaps this is another fine opportunity for the dip pen?

nah. i need the texture and sound of a paper filled to capacity by a bic roller ball pen. love that feeling.

and now — since i’m not going to write — to sleep!

i want a living room where i can set up my new speakers, sit on my couch, and be engulfed by the music.

new knitting toy

Originally uploaded by Hjem.

i’m still adjusting to having a car (a car!) again. i was driving along the other day and suddenly realized i had 1) some free time and 2) a car! so i could go to target if i wanted to.

it is, truly, the land of wonderful things. i found this keen little knitting accessory, among other things (great socks!). i’d seen some things like this in knitting mags, but they seemed expensive for what they were — at least that was what i remembered. this guy wasn’t all the expensive, though. i’m thrilled with it so far! i would have bought some of the small size, too, but this store didn’t seem to cary them.

now i’m wondering how i could make my own out of metals. i really need to learn to work with metal.

this is all stuff i should do this week…

• call k’s dad

• does he have my jacket?
• will he pay me for the kid run?

• sis
• biomom
• hmr

• sit
• sit
• sit

i’m so tired. i know i keep saying that, but it continues to be true.

we put in a lowball offer on a condo yesterday. does anyone ever accept those in sf? well, now i’m running around like crazy faxing things to the mortgage broker and discovering that one of my iras doesn’t keep online statements! how crazy is that? they can fax one to me, but it’s going to take a few days. if i thought i had a snowball’s chance in hell of having this offer accepted, i’d feel better about having to do all this right this second.
and while all this crazy stuff with the house is going on, work isn’t slowing down any so we’re planning an all nighter tonight.

which, of course, makes me very thankful for the car from creampuff. that car with the gas gauge that’s apparently way off.

i ran out of gas this morning… litterally. thank goodness i was still in the city and i that buttons keeps a gas can in her trunk.

but my fingers are crossed.

at the celebration friday night.

i’m on the dance floor and a friend approaches to hug me. i put my nose near her neck and think how orangy she smells.

we pull apart and she says to me, “you smell like oranges!”

i’m confused, “no, i don’t. i thought you smelled like oranges.”

we both glance to my right her left and see a man peeling an orange at our elbows! he must have broken the skin just as we hugged.

i’ve been thinking about the possibility of moving to oz someday. first it was alwasy sort of interesting, then hamster_grrl goes and sends back glowing report after glowing report, now this.

i found this description of a condo in d.city. i think it pretty much says it all:

Spacious 1 bedroom unit closed to eveything from shopping, transportations, banks etc…

i should have taken a picture or five of my outfit (and specifically my hairstyle) for the andc. actually, i even took my camera to the celebration with me, but took exactly zero pictures of anything.

suffice to say, green yarn in the hair is goodness.

serious was in town for a surprise surprise visit. i knew she was planning it and it was all sorts of fun to see people’s surprised reactions to finding her on the dance floor!

today starts crunch time with the property. dad shows up in a few hours. mom again changed the price range; she says she didn’t say anything about the previous, higher, price range.

it’s going to have to be a tic, i think, in that range if i’m to get anything with any character.

i will be talking to the mortgage broker today, too, with dad.

and, i should really be cleaning the house!!!!!

in the words of rosie, ‘more later…’

we looked at a number of condos last night. there was one off mission with a great view and tiny tiny bedrooms and the weirdest smallest closets ever. in the master bedroom the closet was actually in the bathroom and it was all shelves–no place to *hang* any thing. in the other bedroom it was this tiny triangular space with a rod about a foot long. but, great views and not a sucky location.

in the same building was a slightly larger two bedroom condo with bigger bedrooms that looked less like afterthoughts. real closets and more storage. but… the windows of the bedrooms opened onto the walkway between the condos. i’d NEVER be able to have my curtains open.

those two are just off mission street across from bernal. just a stones throw from the hospital, which will be good if someone chops into their finger while working in the rediculously spacious kitchen.

next we looked at a unit up on redrock. so much green, and the windows opened onto the creek that runs through the middle of the complex. very nice. the whole place would need to be remodled, even though the listing agent kept saying, ‘as you can tell, he remodeled very recently.’ er? the bathroom and kitchen counters were sky blue! the building we entered through (which is no the building i’d live in) smelled really bad. realtor john said, ‘look at that face you’re making!’ i’d have to park in a different building from where i’d live, even though my unit would be directly over the garage. there is a ‘heated’ pool — still too cold for me to be in. a public spa/hot tub, a dry sauna, a couple community rooms (but you can’t have more than five guests), room with pool tables, and a small gym with some cardio machines. all clearly not redecorated since the 70’s. very ‘apartment living’, except i’d own it. lots of rules about what sort of things i could have in my condo (no w/d, no hardwood floors…) but that’s apparently not uncommon.

then we drove over to the last building on our tour. condos built as condos in a small six unit building a block north of the panhandle. oh. my. goodness. there is a garage for me and pretty easy street parking for anyone who visits. everything is carpeted, but HUGE! the one i love has the second tinyest kitchen known to man (about half again as big as the one in that 150sq foot apartment i rented in fw). but the master bedroom has bay windows which look out into the green yards that are in the middle between all the building on the block. the other floorplan has a smaller living area, a much larger kitchen, no bay windows in the master bedroom, but still lots of storage and decent sized rooms. it’s fantastic! it’s, of course, a bit out of the price range i have been looking at. but, it gives me hope. i could see living there. and it wouldn’t be difficult at all to find a housemate. sqeee! so close to the university and to the haight and to the park. i love it. it’s not perfect, but i love it.

i’m getting a lot of the same advice over and over again lately. ‘be a princess’, ‘take care of yourself’, ‘don’t forget about what you want’… that sort of thing.

last night i was a hair’s breadth from crying just from the stress. but how to just start making demands and taking care of me when 1) i don’t even really know what it is i want, and 2) the things i know i want don’t seem to be things i can ask for and 3) when i do ask for those things it doesn’t seem to work out right?

and how do i do all that without letting everyone else down who already depends on me?

this is what the practice is all about. so much changes from minute to minute that it’s hard to get your footing. sitting helps us (hopefully) get more comfortable with all this change. i’m so glad i stumbled onto this of all paths.
marty is leaving the hospital today; change of meds is the approach going forward for her heart.

rosie… sigh. not looking good.

chief is so in love with rosie still. he sounded lightyears better when i talked to him in the hospital last. that was when he was sharing a room with rosie and he told me he’s always better when she’s around. so sweet.

as far as housing. i’m back at looking at 1bdrm condos. my monthly rent will be higher w/out a housemate… can i afford it? maybe this really isn’t the best time for me. dad will be here sunday and start the full force househunting next monday. three days, full time looking. by wednesday we’ll have started the process or decided to buy a rental property in fla.

rosie is in rehab. chief is out. but grandma marty is in the hospital now, too.

saturday was a long long day. buttons came over in the morning to check out possiblities for dresses for the phormal that evening. wild called while while i was trying to wrap up an email for work that i’d started right before buttons walked in. since i hadn’t talked to her in a while, i answered and while i had her on the phone, a work email just finished, and buttons asking for clothing suggestions, the pager went off.

meh.

i summed up the issue in the previous post, but it took all day to work out. of course, since we were working with people in another part of the world it took some organizing to get them all together. i was on im durring brunch with buttons and flow, getting up every so often to answer mobile calls from their rep in the states while we did what we could here to identify what the problem might be.

i got some sympathetic smiles from the bus boy at the cafe, though. to be honest, he migh have been flirting with me but i was already juggling too many other things to particpate longer than a thank you and a genuine smile for his kindness.

brunch and the pre-conference call organization ended at the same time. we had just enough time to get back to my place, trade cars, load up my stuff for charity, convince buttons to wear the red dress, and for flow and i to make a stop at out of the closet to drop off a couple boxes.

i dialed in to bridge the call on our way to shop for next weekend’s event. flow is in charge of all the food, and doesn’t have a car so i was helping by donating my time and space. since she would be doing the actual shopping i figured i could multi-task.

but, it turned out i had to log in to the network, which meant leaving flow at the store and finding a cafe with free internet access. things took longer than i thought they would (for me) and i had to call around for someone to take over my driving duties. the cafe closed and i got bumped out on to the bench outside as the sun started to go down and the weather turned more cold and windy, and i didn’t have a coat.

just as my batteries in my phone and laptop started to die (no electricity since the cafe had closed), ‘b’ showed up to get the car from me. i bowed out of the call, we picked up flow, and they dropped me at my house to log back in to the text portion of our conference.

thank goodness i found a back up and i say thank you again to ‘b’ for giving up his sat for community emergency duties. they went on to do more shopping, the work issue got sorted, and it was only half an hour from when i was supposed to pick buttons up for the fund raiser!

luckily, i’d already laid out what i planned to wear. i called buttons to verify that i’d be there, late, but that i was going to be able to make it. for the next hour i got a call every 10 min on average while i tried to shower, change, and put on my make up.

white dog called to tell me he’d just gotten my message and ask if everything was ok. i told him it all worked out and when i asked if he’d be at the fund raiser he said he loved to dress up but money had been tight for him. i offered to pay for his ticket if he could make me some dinner which i could eat on the way over (all i’d had all day was some yogurt, granola and fruit at brunch). a deal was made.

there were all kinds of car organization calls and plans changed and changed back. finally, ‘b’ picked me up in my car and drove himself home, i got white dog and flow (and my dinner), and headed out to oak town where we were all too flustered to read the small print on the parking signs but somehow still ended up in a great spot.

and here i am looking all carefree and calm and put together while i look over the items in the silent auction (of which i later won two). heh. i think i’m smiling cause i know i can’t hear my phone.

i got a page this morning. more trouble with the people who can’t access part of the tools. we thought we had it fixed, but it’s down again. so i’m coordinating a call for later today and i’m not even in a position to do anything beyone dialing in as the bridge to the call.

meh. i had the whole day planned to the minute.

this was not part of the plan.

i just got back from another turn at house hunting. we only saw two units, one was ok and one sucked canal water. they were in the same building. the others didn’t have lock boxes and were all already in contract anyhow.

i’m more than a little frustrated at the moment. if i really should only be looking for condos, cause that’s what my dad (who will be a partner in this) and my realtor are leaning toward, then i have a choice of ONE right now in sf in my price range. sigh.

i just don’t see how i’m going to be able to buy if it’s not a tic. and i’m don’t really see how a tic will work well if it’s not with people i already know.

ugh. he’ll be here in just over a week and i have nothing.