A Treasure Found at Home

there are some things i miss about a real storm. but this AP photo reminds me about what i *don’t* miss.

yeah, not missing that.

i’m flipping channels and found a show on pbs. the description said something about blah blah experience with other women blah blah. i’ve had a lot of problems and a lot of questions lately about my relationship with other women, so i tuned in.

it’s a singer songwriter singing songs, apparently, about women’s relationships.

she sang one about “only a woman knows”. i’m not sure i believe it. is it true? are there things that only other women can understand about me … or about other women’s women? can men not understand fear? sure, they don’t know the exact pain of childbirth, but they know the fear of being a good parent, don’t they? do they not understand a broken heart? have none of them faced cancer? or none of them a cancer that made them question if they would be as much a “man” when they were finished with treatment?

i just don’t buy it. but i think maybe this is why i don’t get women. i don’t believe this stuff and that seems to be what keeps me out of the exclusive group. maybe that’s what only a woman knows… what it is that only a woman knows.

• garlic fries
• rice krispy treats
• acupressure
• digital video recorders
• cable (i know, i know, but i love a clear picture)
• breakfast sandwich making toaster
• wiki, tagging, etc.
• yummy vegetarian lunch special
• apparent upswing in appetite
• music
• headphones

watching more of the planet earth mini series i recorded the other day. this is soooo cool.
now i’m watching a bit on vampiro toothus: the vampire squid from hell — i glows! really, it’s bio-luminescent! so. friggin’. cool. man, i should have been a scientist of some sort. i love these super deep living creatures. how amazing would it be to hang out in a sub for a day?

man.

in my own experimentation today, i went to the acupressurist. if all goes well, she’ll be my acupuncturist in a few short weeks. right now i’m wearing seeds on my ear and back. now i just need to find someone to come press these seeds on my back for about 20 min. it reminds me of when i had to ask m to please come upstairs and help me out of my clothes. really. that’s all i needed. then he left. now i need someone to come touch my back for 20 min or so while i lay about without a shirt.

in good twitter news, i sorted out how to add friends. i’m not sure it’s the most direct manner, but if you already have a twitter account, you can click on the follow link  on the right there and you’ll be able to follow me. then i’ll get an email and can follow you! but, it only works if you already have your twitter account set up.

oh, so cool, they just showed some dead fish sink to the bottom of the ocean and then fast motioned all the eels and crabs and cephalopods eating it! gone. totally gone.

how does one get into taking these sorts of photos? i’m sure it involves years of starving first, and i guess right now i don’t want it badly enough to give up my house first.

dragon chimneys! i’m in love.

galahad is really getting into the nature shows that are happening in our living room. last night i was watching the mini series on discovery about the earth. i can’t recall the exact name, but i’m sure you’re aware of what i’m talking about.

they showed a clip of the birds of paradise doing a variety of mating dances and clearing spaces on the forest floor for said dances. galahad perked right up at that and started stalking the tv.

i’m sure he thinks i ruined it by petting him — which distracted him just long enough for that bird to get away. darn owner, never petting when he wants me to, always catching the birds and letting them go outside or distracting him while they escape.

i fell asleep on the couch right after the mating dances. good thing i was recording the show. for those of you playing along at home, that’s 8:30pm when i conked out. *sigh* i’m glad i have an acupressure appointment tomorrow; i hope it will help with this crazy exhaustion.

i really want to go to the art opening tonight but wish i had a friend to be on my side. it will be overrun with friends and adorers of the girl i had the falling out with. the same adorers who say such things as “you can imagine what it would be like if her rapist was at the table. i’m not comparing you to a rapist. i’m just saying.”

really? not comparing me to a rapist? sure sounds like it, but yeah, since you’ve only talked to her and not to me, i can see how she’s absolutely not manipulating you at all. the same way you’re not comparing me to a rapist.

and, “the irony is i was your biggest defender” as they don’t look me in the eye. no, the irony is that you would say such a thing while you refuse to look at me. defending me in your conversations i’m not allowed to be part of and then not telling me about any of it and expecting me to be on board with what is decided, isn’t really ironic.

i love the artist’s work. i commissioned one of his pieces for sp guy’s b-day last summer. it’s beautiful stuff. but do i really want to put myself in that position?

maybe i’ll skip the opening and get tulip or someone to go with me after work some other day.

but then, i feel like a chicken butt and like my ex-friend is again winning, i’m doing exactly what she wants me to do… staying away… and all she did was cry and ask everyone to protect her from me (while refusing to explain why) so she’s clearly not the bad guy, right? couldn’t be.

in the past week i’ve been getting a little more attention than usual in my new neighbourhood. maybe it’s ’cause i used to live in the castro? maybe it’s cause it’s finally spring and i’m making time for myself to be outside?

monday night i was walking home from bart and some guy drove up from behind me, slowed, and rolled down his window. i was walking along the right-hand side of the street, so he had to lean over the passenger seat while driving to have this conversation.

guy in car: “hey”

me: looks at him, looks forward again

gic: “i’m charlie”

me: …

gic: “what’s your name?”

me: “Katherine” (p.s. that’s not true)

gic: “you want to take my number down?”

me: “no.”

gic: “where are you going.”

me: “home.”

gic: “you work around here?”

me: “no.”

gic: finally “well, it was nice meeting you.”

me: “bye.”

he drove off. i’m sort of grateful for how nice he was. i mean, it could have gotten really weird and i was noticing i wasn’t in the city anymore. would anyone care to come out of their condos if i screamed? i sort of missed my well populated neighbourhood.

…

yesterday i stopped at the gas station on the corner of my neighbourhood while i was on my way to an appointment in the city. as i finished pumping and was putting the gas cap back on, a guy who’d just pulled up as a passenger in another car says to me, “you work out, don’t you?”

i just smiled and got into my car.

…

now, if only i could get this sort of attention from someone more articulate. someone with something real to talk to me about. *that*, my friends, would be a turn on.

• new opportunities
• athletic tape
• fire fans
• emoticons
• cream cheese filled french toast
• full deposit returned by sketchy rental agency
• monkeys and robots
• getting back in touch with old friends
• found time for a car wash
• spring and all that comes with it

i’m still to tired to write real content, so you’re getting meme quiz results. funny, don’t you think, my buddhist name is lotus liberation.

I’m a Lotus Elise!

You believe in maximum performance and minimum baggage. You like to travel light and fast, hit the corners hard, and dance like there’s no tomorrow.

“Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

• filing taxes online
• sunshine
• caramel
• hugs
• IM - so much faster at problem solving than email
• warm showers and fluffy towels
• sweet emails
• reasurance
• fabulous willits leads! it’s so going to rock.

one of hamster_grrl’s friends at the university, who is herself a blogger, is working on a project looking into the whys and wherefores of women bloggers.

in her own words:

I am doing a research project this semester at school regarding female bloggers. I want to try to figure out why there is such an abundance of women out there willing to tell their stories to the world, and where these women are coming from, emotionally as well as physically.

it’s a quick and painless form. go. fill.

how do i add/find friends on twitter?

that’s how long till i’ll be watching the man burn with… dum dum dum dum! my bio mom!

probably. she’s asking if the invite it still open and if she can still buy tickets.

wooooo hooooo.

i had dinner last night with my friend tulip. he’s just extricating himself from a post-relationship relationship so we feel we’re facing some similar issues. flo was around for appetizers and that helped set the mood for the evening. after she left we got to talking about boundaries, learning how to set them, friends/lovers who teach us how (or why) to set strong ones, compassion (both idiot and not), and even the cycle of rebirth and heaven or buddhahood (to me, these boil down to the same thing).

it was a fantastic conversation. we went pretty deep sometimes and learned some things about each other. he let me babble on about things that hurt me and i hope i listened in as supportive a manner. (i think i did, but what do i know, i was full of beauzeaux.)

i cooked for the second time in my new home. wine, baked brie, and pasta. we had to resort to laying bits of string cheese over our tortellini because my parm didn’t seem to make it over from the other house. it must have been old.

(note to self, buy real cheese for guests.)

i feel rejuvenated by not just the content of the conversation, but the fact that there are people out there with whom i can still have this sort of conversation. i was starting to think the sort of deep, open conversation where no one tries too hard to do it all just right (and consequently squashing communication) might have been an anomaly of living in texas. we weren’t super new age-y out there; conversation just happened. i miss that.

this morning itunes party shuffle served up a bit of alanis, right on target for some of what tulip and i are feeling just now.

(more…)

this morning usa today has a snapshot on us adoption of foreign children. apparently china is instituting a new rule whereby older, unmarried or obese parents will no longer be allowed to adopt chinese children after May ‘07.

under the little graph-like illustration usa today asks a “quick question”, wondering if the us should crate the same rules regarding domestic adoptions.

what? really?

come ON people. don’t you get it? the reason we adopted over  15,000 children (and that’s only from the four countries listed in their illustration) in 2006 is because it’s so damned hard to adopt children in our own country! we have so many kids in foster care right here in the states. why do we make it so difficult for those children to have permanent homes? why inquire into making it *more* difficult?

** i know a number of children in the foster system in the us are children who have parents but have been removed from the home for one reason or another. in this situation, i believe there should support given to the parents and children to get them back together as soon as possible (assuming that won’t risk the life of the child). i’m talking about children who won’t be returned to relatives for whatever reason.

last night i had the strangest dream i ever dreamed before. mmm mmm la la la.

ok, last night i did NOT dream everyone put an end to war, though that sure would be nice.  instead i dreamed that i finally met leelo, and that we understood each other in a way that a lot of others didn’t. i dreamed he let me hug him right when we met. i think this dream is much more about how i feel trying to interact with my women’s circle than any hope that i have some special magic autism-connecting power. i can’t comprehend the disconnects i see and it really makes me feel i’m not neurotypical.

anyhow, later in the dream i had my hair all done up and got too close to a candle. i burned it all off in big chunks. *sigh*

well, at least the dst ending this weekend will keep me up at odd hours over the weekend so i won’t have a chance to dream such things. must test the servers at 11 (don’t ask me why they’d break in reaction to something that was about to happen, but whatever) and three, which will be one minute after 1:59am sunday.

this isn’t dq country. i used to live in dq country, and being in dq country is a serious thing.

but this commercial, which hamster_grrl sent to me this morning, is not serious. it’s laugh out loud at work funny. i think my favourite bit is the little dragon hand the guy ‘in the know’ makes when trying to explain to the others why they have to inhale.

i have to wonder if they show this in dq country, too, though.

this is the number of new emails in my work email account alone since i logged off at 5:15ish yesterday.

there’s a bit of a glitch, doncha know.

luckily, i’ve got my message filters set so most of them go right into the junk mail folder.

EDIT: make that 107188!

these will be my socks. this will get me into knitting gear. no questions asked, i must make these socks!

i’ve got itunes on shuffle and it has served up a little ‘home’ by deep blue something. in the song he talks about hopping in the car in the middle of the night and driving, ‘getting lost in east texas’.

man. i don’t think i’ve gotten in the car and just gone driving since i’ve moved here. maybe cause in texas it was strange and fun to go to the little towns in the middle of the night. like when bob and dan drove out to some such place and found the post office was still flying a flag with less than 50 stars!

i think i just miss the warm nights and the sense of adventure.