724
this morning i took a town car to work. turns out it’s less expensive than a cab from mom’s hotel. the driver and i started talking about other bay area drivers.
“they think they’re ok cause they have insurance. they don’t understand they have only one life.”
he just about summed it up with that.
last night the moon was super bright as i went to sleep. the light came in through my skylight and cast shadows on my bed. with my glasses off it looked full, even though my calendar says that shouldn’t happen for another couple days. i fell asleep feeling happy and peaceful. i dreamed about exploring new places and these strange plants.
at 2:30 am i was woken up by a scream. not a playing around, calling friend, or angry argument scream — in other words it wasn’t yelling, it was Screaming. i wasn’t really sure if it was real but it didn’t seem to fit in my dream either.
then i heard her again. this time she said something. i think she said, ‘he has a gun’ or ‘he’s got a gun’. i heard a car horn, and a car driving off? driving by?
i called emergency.
they called back a while later. they found some people on the next block, but not on mine. now, in the morning, i wonder if the noise was really from the skylight — from the front of the building and not the back.
the police dispatcher said they had another call from my building, too. thank goodness! it makes me feel better about humanity in the face of something awful.
i can’t help wondering what happened. was she kidnapped? did the honking car interrupt something or was that a result of some struggle? i heard some other noises from her, but nothing from the “he” she was screaming about it. she got quieter, but she sounded so frightened.
i wanted to come down and get my computer to see if anyone was online, but i waited till i saw the officer’s search lights (which were confirmed by the call back from emergency) before i felt safe enough to come down the stairs.
i didn’t get back to sleep for an hour. i lay there trying to do tonglen for the woman, and just couldn’t. i couldn’t. for the first time in a long, long time i wished i had a boyfriend. i wanted someone who’s “job” it was to wake up if i called in the middle of the night if i just needed to talk.
i want this to have been a personal thing so i can feel safe walking in my neighbourhood. but i want it to be random so she can have gotten away and he didn’t follow her.
i want to know that woman is ok. i want to know she made it home, to a safe home, where no one hits her or pulls weapons on her.
i want us all to be ok.
722
for the past couple weeks i’ve had family in town. first the mom and dad who raised me came in for a few days to help set up the new, huge tv they gave me for the winter holiday. it arrived on jan 6, so i see it as an epiphany gift. jesus got gold, frankincense, and myrrh; i got an hd tv. jesus’ were delivered by three wise men, mine by two strong guys. the big differences seem to be that mine uses electricity and his smelled good.
after they left i had a day to myself then my biological mom and sis and sis’ friend showed up. we had a nice, but brief visit. bmom is very interested in getting me to date someone. we reviewed every guy she saw me speak to all weekend. when i mentioned my co-worker’s wife she said, ‘oh, we wondered about him.’
now, usually when i hear this from other people it sounds like a question regarding sexual orientation. i have never in the years that i’ve known this man heard anyone say they thought he was gay, so i was really interested in why they did. so i asked, ‘what did you wonder about him?’
bmom, ‘why you weren’t dating him. but now we know he’s married.’
‘even if he weren’t,’ i said, ‘i would never date someone i work that closely with!’
bmom just looked at me funny.
later in the car ride home from radical adventurer’s housewarming bmom was at it again. sis suddenly spoke up from the back seat, ‘i’m so glad i have a boyfriend so i never have to hear this!’
thanks, sis!
all in all it was a great visit, though too short. it didn’t help that i had to work over the weekend, as well.
this week is going to be a big week so i’m feeling pretty lucky that my current house guest (hamster grrl) has to work on her dissertation for her ph.d. while she’s here. giving her time to do that (by working on db stuff) means i’m a *good* host, and not just ignoring her. 
