grandma is on her way out. there’s no way to really ease into that fact, so i’ll just go ahead and say it. i found out sunday at the end of the Open Sky level meditation class. everyone else was celebrating and i was sitting in the corner, crying. you could say i like to really use what i learn as quickly as possible.
i booked a flight as soon as i got to work the next day. it took me some time to decide what to do. i knew my parents would tell me i didn’t have to come, that after she dies will be more important, but i really wanted to be with the family and help them with this transition.
a friend of mine, m, offered to both take galahad for the week and drive me to the airport. what luck! i got there early, had dinner, then noticed my flight had been delayed until something like 4:19AM! which of course meant i’d miss my connection and have to be stuck in kennedy till the next day as there was only one flight to sqr a day — at least i think that’s what they were telling me.
i was crushed. i called mom, i called m, i called hamster_grrl. remarkably, it took us all to get the thing all sorted out. m offered to come get me, mom told me to get a refund and she’d book a new flight with miles, and hamster_grrl mentioned that all the delayed people were going to be trying for the same flights i wanted.
i got my refund with no problem (really, i can’t say enough about how well Jet Blue treated me. big props to them.) and called mom again to ask her to start looking into flights. i thought for sure i wouldn’t make it out in time, and i sat in front of the airport and cried. it was so interesting to feel the waves of grief come over me, and almost more interesting that they weren’t uncontrolable and yet i could still feel the rising of each wave.
mom found a flight, but it left in just over one hour (70 min) from sfo… i was at oakland. m agreed by phone to try for it, he was just over a mile away. by the time he got to me, though, mom had nixed that plan (the woman she was talking to couldn’t confirm a seat for me.) and we sat in the car waiting to find out if i was flying that night or the next morning and from which airport. i got confirmed on a 12:4something flight out of sfo. m willingly drove me over the bridge and dropped me off more than two hours early.
which was lucky.
i couldn’t check in with the self serve machines so i talked to a counter agent. he told me the certificat hadn’t gone through. no miles had been used to pay for the flight! the ticket had not been bought!
he was going on break but told me he’d check again when i got back. mom should call the airline again and get them to re-issue the certificate and to make sure i had confirmation from him before she hung up. if he wasn’t back before she did her part, his co-worker with the brown ponytail would help me. just wave and even if she was with someone else she’d just look up the confirmation number and tell me if it was through or not.
well… let’s just say ponytail woman wasn’t making any friends that night. i know when flights are canceled and delayed that the agents have a really hard time, but one girl my age was reduced to tears by this woman. to the point where strangers were asking her if she was ok and the other agent had to take over. and ponytail didn’t even blink an eye. she didn’t acknowledge me at all when i asked her to look up my confirmation number, to fulfill her promise to the dude. she hardly looked at the people she was supposed to be helping.
i told mom i’d just call her back, my friendly guy came back from break, confirmed it had gone through, and printed a boarding pass for me. i waited until i was through security to send mom a text.
i hardly slept on the plane, though, as the dude behind me must have been six foot three, at the very least, and didn’t have room for his knees. every time he would move he’d get me in the back. it couldn’t have been comfortable for him, either.
i landed in dallas in time to see a beautiful texas sunrise! man, i had no idea how much i missed those.
i had breakfast at a chain restaurant in the terminal and wandered a bit. i ended up at the gate that had been mine, and the agents noticed me sitting there alone and told me my gate had been changed. i wandered down to the new gate, nearly passed out before boarding, slept for probably a good two of the two and a half hours from dfw to tampa, and got picked up by mom.
we went to chick-fil-a for lunch. i drank dr. pepper. i was not in california.
grandma was so glad to see me that she kissed my hand over and over and told me several times how much she loves me and how wonderful i am and how happy she is about me. then she said, “Tell [my brother].” so i did.
i sent him an email saying that grandma had told me i’m her favourite.* 
i’m so glad i’m here. it’s not easy to see her this way and my heart breaks to see my aunts and uncles and parents (and her neighbours) get choked up. and it breaks my heart to see her be scared and confused, she’s blind and the hospice is unfamiar to her. but i try to stay grounded and to bring peace to the situation. and i remind her that, just like a mother does for her babies, we will always come back.
*ok, yes, she could have meant to tell him she feels the same about him… it’s open to interpretation.